Sully had fallen asleep around 9:30pm, but woke up when Evalee and Jerod got back from the roller skating rink around 10:30pm. It was a late bed time for all of us, and Sully especially, but instead of crying and throwing a fit, our happy boy just COULD NOT stop laughing. Everything Evalee said, any time Jerod would yell, "come here," Solomon would explode in a fit of laughter. The laughter became contagious, and soon we were all in tears!

I cannot remember the last time that we were all up so late and in such great spirits. It's days and moments like this, that remind me how much my quality of life is based on how I percieve it to be. Bedtime is not a looked forward to event for me, except maybe the end of having the kids asleep and enjoying some precious alone time. No, too often, I'll even plan my day around driving home at bedtime, just so my toddler might fall asleep on the car ride home. Mostly, because I'm so tired myself and my patience is wearing thin in that final stretch.

I know we are all human and not every night we are going to be our best selves, but shouldn't these moments be cherished?! Cuddling in bed together, snuggled up with some books, teaching them how to pray and talk with God, then listening to their tiny breaths as their bodies drift off to sleep in your arms. They are only little for so long, and too often I allow my PPD and the enemy to ruin the memories.

Evalee will not sit still long enough to get her pjs on, so I become increasingly frustrated. Then she won't sit or pick a book, or allow me to do anything without a password of her own design. Haha. (It's only funny til I'm in a hurry, and I can't buckle her in without a password!) We are working on learning the word "respect," and it's definitely a work in progress because Evalee still likes to sing or play around while I'm trying to say our prayers. Every little thing builds and accumulates and all at once I feel super overwhelmed and just yell at her or count to 3 or actually swap her butt, and then I'm instantly swamped in "Mom-Guilt" because she is only being her 3year old self and with more patience and a better attitude, we could both get what we want and end the night with neither of us in tears..

Tonight, in all it's giggling and loving splender, reminded me of some very important bible verses:
​
​Ephesians 4:22-32:
22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. 25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

​Romans 12:2
2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

We drove past a large grave yard today covered in flowers and evalee asked what "that place" was. I told her it's a cemetary and that it's where we burry someone's body when they die. Then the families can come visit and often leave flowers for the people they miss. Evalee then says, "mommy, some day when you die, you'll come back to us and I'll make sure to bury you there. And I'll bring you so many flowers every single day." I, regretfully, answered, "well... mommy doesnt want to be buried but that's a story for another day." She immediately asks why, and to avoid telling her all about cremation, I sit there in silence trying to figure out how to change the subject. She must have noticed my hesitation cuz then ahe she says, "don't worry mama. I'll make sure to leave your head out. I'll just bury your legs and body." 🤦‍♀️🤣

Getting Evalee ready for the snow brought back so many memories from my childhood.. the 5 layers of socks, pulling eachother on the sled, angels, and snow men dancing in my head. The year the snow looked like waves nearly 3ft deep and we built a giant snow fort in Olivia's yard near the street. Then Mrs. Lattimer bathing our feet in hot water, fighting over which was the right way to make hot chocolate (milk vs water). Struggling to get back on my soaken snow pants and walking back home, watching the snow sparkle under the light of the street lamps. So sad I can't be out playing with them today, but it was nice to remember and know that they're out there making new memories that will last forever. 😍

I had the honor of being asked to perform at Engage Newark's Testimony service on December 30th. It was a great opportunity for me to embrace the path God has been calling me to walk for a very long time. It was also a perfect start to my writing & performing new years resolution